Warning : Wall of text incoming.
Back when I was playing WoW passionately, I looooved to raid.
For all the WotLK era, Kizu and I were raiding together pretty casually. In Cataclysm, we got into - I'm not sure exactly how or why - a progression oriented guild. Not in a six-nights-a-week-five-hours-a-day kinda way, but progression was important to us. We wanted to be in the top guilds of the server. For many reasons, we didn't last long. in Firelands, we got 6/7 heroic pretty quickly. And then we hit the wall that is Heroic Ragnaros.
Frankly, raiding was making me sick to my stomach at that point. I didn't even want to log on to raid by the time we got to Rag on heroic. I was hating the "push harder, kill faster" attitude, and more that that, I was hating my fellow raiders for putting so much pressure on us to succeed. We just couldn't kill him, and as time went on, we were getting more and more discouraged, and mean to each other, and you can imagine the rest.
I realize now that I was blaming the other's attitude when in reality, I was the one who made raiding frustrating for myself. I was worried that I was holding them back, which made me question myself and my abilities, which made me grumpy, which made raids anything but fun. It took me a while to realize I just didn't want to raid like that any longer. I've raided almost non-stop since Naxx, with a small interruption around the time Ulduar came out, and then, Firelands made me hate raiding. I say it was Firelands, but really, it wasn't the raid at all. It was me. I made myself hate raiding.
|Here's a cute little Nerf to break the boring wall of text.|
Yes, I have a point that has to do with Swtor. I'm getting there.
So now, in Swtor, I'm leveling a shit-ton of characters. Because it's a lot of fun. I don't even have a designated main. But I see other bloggers talk about raiding, (I know it's not called a raid, but I'm not saying Operating of Ops'ing. Sue me.) and I'm torn.
The raider in me is yelling "Come ooooon! Le's gooooo! Pick a toon already and make this happen, lady!" I want to experience everything in Swtor. I'm having so much fun with leveling, I don't want it to end. I want to level at least one of each Empire classes to 50. I want to run all the dungeons. I want to do dailies, and farm nice gear. I want to see some of the operations, if not all of them. But I'm worried that I'm not ready yet to make a commitment to a "serious" raiding guild. I'm not sure I want to spend a predetermined day - or two or three - each week, killing internet dragons, or droids or whatever, when I'd rather do something else, like level alts, or gather mats, or read a book or watch a movie!
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'd love to raid in Swtor. At some point. Hopefully before it all becomes obsolete. Because it looks like fun. It'd be great to raid maybe once or twice a week. Two to three weeks a month. Just sign up when you feel like raiding, and don't sign up when you don't feel like it. But I don't need - nor want - to see hardmodes or nightmare modes or whatever it is that they call it in Swtor.
What I want, is to kill bosses with people that know what they're doing, but don't take themselves too seriously, and who don't get upset over a couple wipes, or killing new bosses at a slow rate. (I don't know what's the rush to kill all the bosses as fast as possible. You just get bored faster when you run out of new content to chew on.) I want to see the content, I want to have fun while killing bosses, preferably with friendly people that are serious about raiding when it's time to raid.
What I don't want, is to feel like I have to be there every fucking day, wiping for three hours on a boss that just won't die. Because for me, that's just not fun. Wiping is part of it, sure. But I want to have fun, whether the boss dies or not. Not beat myself up for not progressing quickly enough, and not getting the server first, or some other nonsense.
I know most guilds wouldn't want someone like me. It would make dealing with attendance and group composition a nightmare. But it's still what I want today. Maybe someday, I'll get rid of my commitment issues, and I'll find a fun bunch to raid with.